The Unstagrammer: You can be social on media and not be a tw*t

This evening I introduced my sister to the delights of Snapchat and she simultaneously saw the hilarity in it, now that could have been the whisky and gingers in her but I somehow doubt it because I also love Snapchat when I’m of a sober disposition.


We discussed the egotistical side of this snap and film happy app but as much as it can be used to say “look at my amazing life,” (or rather the life I want to portray) it can also be used to say “I’m a freaking nerd and these weird facial takeovers kill me.”

I’m that social being that uploads things for my own pleasure and that could totally be viewed as narcissistic but I prefer to take the mick out of myself than to come across all alluring and sexy because the simple fact is I’m not a sexy person and anyone that dares to say I am, well they’ll get some serious open mouth, open eye revulsion.

I’m a recent Snapchat inhabitant and upon my first download I just couldn’t fathom out what the point of this app was, unless you were famous or had a big following of people that needed to know what you were up to at 2:30pm or 3:15am, why on earth did you need it clogging up your smartphone data storage? I think I lasted 2 weeks before I wished our friendly ghost adios and it took me many months, maybe even a year before I felt myself and my social media acquaintances were ready for the jelly (please be safe in the knowledge that I don’t get my jelly out, especially not on social media for all to see, I do have some decorum.)

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In the end Snapchat is basically like any social tool- a heap of people who feel the need to download it but don’t really contribute fully in that it’s of any use or amusement to your life and that’s where I discovered or admitted to those few people that actually followed me, that I genuinely can make myself laugh. The face swaps and face takeovers, with slow motion and sped up effects are so self celebratory that I could probably watch them back like a vine video and it’s more than likely not funny to those daring to view these shenanigans but people just can’t resist a glimpse. You know you’ve made your mark when people actually respond to your story or actually message you directly.


So here I am, confessing that sometimes social media doesn’t have to be all LOOK AT ME! That sometimes it’s just there for us to behave like animals and save ourselves a few quid, rather than paying to see big time comedians. I’ll tell you this, that on first erection it might seem like the most confusing app of your life but on the resurrection you’ll understand why it’s so popular.

In times of boredom, this is your app.








The Unstagrammer: Lovely Lady Lumps

This morning I had the pleasure of watching a BuzzFeed video titled ‘I dressed so you could see my belly fat for a week,’ and it was something I had to watch because not only are BuzzFeed’s videos generally amusing, they can also be so spot on it’s like they’re inside my head.

Here’s the link :::

Years ago when I was much larger than I am now I would quite literally cover my stomach with my handbag, it just seemed the obvious thing to do as in out of sight, out of mind. As I got older and slimmed down I reverted to spanx type pants and now I’m just slightly less bothered about it, hell I still have to position my thong just right and I’ve been known to wear two thongs if the elasticity is shoddy but I promise I’m a lot more relaxed.

image1 (2)@Kelsonation

I’m a relatively fit person, I work out, I eat well most of the time but I’ll indulge and stuff my face when I feel I can. I would kill to have a flat stomach but at the same time I enjoy doing more than just exercising and I’d like to eat more than just salads but forget giving the finger to carbs. I’m 6ft but I’m also a secure size 14 because I’d rather things be comfortable as opposed to them feeling snug and feeling tight in my body dysmorphic world. I have lumps and bumps but on the whole I’m considered slim and athletic.

I know a lot of people see it as second nature to hold their stomachs in on an evening out, to ensure they’re wearing their waist cinching belts too but I’ve got enough on my plate to be worrying about having a little belly bulge. High five to the super lean people out there, I respect and admire you but it’s not for everyone and for those of us with rolls and lumps, it’s a challenge to feel confident. Say I was to try on a body con dress, I would scrutinize my silhouette and worry that my outline wasn’t stream line enough.

Our bodies are so much more than objects.

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And I know I’ve used two plus size models to highlight this blog but you don’t have to be a size 14 and over to experience this hardship that society and instagram memes shun you for. I’ve witness girls who are size 8/10 and still have a little bit of a belly, so really should we just give each other a break? I’ll be brazenly honest and admit that I’d prefer to have no love handles and know that I’m working on that but I know these lumps of fat don’t put people off about me, so embrace those rolls and know that by hiding them, you’re only denying yourself because we see but truthfully we don’t care because we’re too busy day dreaming about burgers and fries.


The Unstagrammer: Cooler On The Internet.

Hip Hip Hooray!

I’d like to introduce you to to a secondary blog as you will, I started my OiCarby word press firstly to keep a track of my writing work portfolio as I’m a freelance writer who’s attempting to branch out of the shackles of rarely being paid but before time I’ve been umming and ahhhing about creating a new blog, I just had to figure out what it was that I wanted to speak about predominantly.

There was that time months ago when I created a new Instagram page to post positive quotes and pictures to encourage my life journey but then I completely forgot my login details and so scuppered. Then a week or so ago I was over thinking as I tend to do when it hit me that social media well and truly p*sses me off but inexcusably I’m part of the social media warrior epidemic. When my food presentation is off the scale I have to capture it, when I’m in a new place of territory I have to take a picture, it’s as much a way for me to capture memories as it is to show off and say “la la, la la la, you can’t have this.”

Living in the new age world has me in deep enough that I want to be apart of it but has me running to in the other direction to warn people not to be sucked in. I guess you could say I’m on the fence, on the one hand I don’t mind some attention when it’s good attention but I’m better known for playing the clown, I’m not one to welcome a photoshoot on a night out as if I’ve been followed by the paparazzi and so The Unstagrammer was born!

image3 (2).JPG Deciding on my new alias

The Unstagrammer will be a place where I’ll mock the ‘look at me’ things we can’t help but do, expect memes, pictures on my travels that might suggest I’m having a ball but in reality I’ve just taken a picture of a restaurant front and walked past, then probably made a really delectable looking dish that could look like I paid in excess of £20 plus. I’m a truthful lass but I worry how some accounts are making us feel like our lives suck and this is why I really try not to follow too many celebrities or models because I’ll hold my hands up to say I’ve scrolled through people’s accounts and then pined from all the amazing experiences they’ve had. I’ll feel jealous for a minute and then I’ll remember all the exciting things I’ve got up to and can look forward to.


So this is a reminder to you, to post all the things you enjoy doing, eating, drinking, believing in because you don’t have to impress anybody. Don’t stand in these generic poses because you feel you look better, behave like a nerd and stick your tongue out if that makes you feel comfortable. We can’t all sun it in Bali but you best believe when we head to Brighton beach we’re gonna takes pictures of that pier like we’re working for Getty Images. I’ve read a lot recently about how some of these people who post all these intimate photographs of their lives are extremely insecure and unhappy and although I’m sure they’re quite grateful for the once in a lifetime opportunities they’re living, there’s probably a lot of things they’re keeping hidden from us.

I think if you’re in a position to inspire people that you should let us see you on your ugly day’s, let us know when your heads not in the game and you fancy a cry. It makes you more likeable and relatable to know you’re not cool 24/7.

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Get involved and tell me what gets your goat across social media and Instagram… I don’t appreciate seeing guys holding wads of cash sat in flossy cars (unless you really did just draw that out of the cash machine and you genuinely own or are looking to own that car.

The Unstagrammer

M.O x The Heavytrackerz Ft Yungen ‘Love The Most’

In a social media fuelled world where lack of loyalty will lose you friends and gain you a fistful of haters, British female threesome M.O bring the attitude with this defiant and knock out track ‘Love The Most.’

Forget that ‘Preach’ life and forget the vow to ‘Dance On My Own,’ it seems the final and only solution is telling those blatant talon wearing wannabe home wreckers who’s really got this.

Sounding confident and alluring Barbadian like, we think this track is one that fans will rate highly and dare we cheesily say it, love the most out of their line up of hits. RapperYungen roughens up this track produced by trio of producers/ Rinse Fm DJ’s The Heavytrackerz.



Find M.O/ Yungen/ The Heavytrackerz here:

Tobi Sunmola releases ‘Run Free’

It’s as if somebody crept into my brain when they shot the video to ‘Run Free,’ with its blighted beauty- I know that I find solace and can focus on life’s confusion when I flee to my own urban retreat.

As Tobi Sunmola’s silhouette lingers past street art and wires, he holds his own before distant city lights and outlined buildings, letting his mind and body run free as he grasps his thoughts in intrepid surroundings, illustrating his ancient mantra.

With airplay transmission across the BBC and from crowning glory at Adidas: Take The Stage, Tobi Sunmola’s has emerged as music’s most distinctively up and coming rap artist, with his alternative, yet stimulating chanting and captivating vocals. Originally from Nigeria, Tobi continues his self explorative journey in Manchester,  fast migrating across the UK.

Having worked with Wretch 32 and soul brother Jacob Banks, Tobi joins the alumni of music innovation. As his 2016 EP gains momentum, this new release has us excited for more uniquely formed narratives.

We’ll be darned if he hasn’t made his enemies sit up and listen with this one.


Twitter: @tobisunmola


Shayal ‘Way Up’ ft J Holliday

You may not have heard of UK producer Shayal before but if slick R’n’B productions and club bangers are what you’re into then look no more.

A UK Asian Award Nominee (Best Urban Act), Shayal has been working his magic stateside, working with the talented J Holiday, owner of those sexy, silky smooth vocals and rising rapper Tyler, who lays down some perilous bars!

This blend of hard beats, suave raps and soft vocals has got me wanting to shower the nearest night club with twenties and ask the bar man for a bottle of champagne to spray but if you’re not feeling as extravagant to make it rain, then make it clap or just make-believe you running the game.


You can expect more collaborations from these gentleman, as well as a ‘Way Up’ remix as Shayal described working with the U.S artists, “ working with J Holiday was a great experience, we worked so well in the studio, vibing off the same page.” Shayal went on to describe rapper Tyler as being “perfect for this record!”

We hope to hear a follow-up from the diversely sounding three and we expect to see dancefloors vibrating.

Follow Shayal:

Twitter: @ShayalOfficial


Southbank to Shoreditch Photography

A few from my afternoon around London starting at Southbank, heading to Borough Market and ending at Shoreditch High Street.

I love colours of the city and then I love the greyness of London. Culture, Hipster appeal, Foodies and Street Art appreciators. Get in.


Show me a sign.

Last week I told you how I was due to go on a date or whatever you call it these days with a guy that seemed like a great catch, however what I failed to mention was that this was actually Take 2 of meeting up because the week before my phone had fallen into chaos. I have the worst luck with technology and my mobile phones are notorious for f*cking with me. Long story short, my phone wasn’t functioning, so there was no possible contact between me and my date (unless thinking about it now I had text from someone else’s phone.. the old can I borrow a text card.) Being the worrier that I am, I thought of a way to contact him just to say it would be best to rearrange, so he didn’t think I was making up excuses. How did I contact him? Via Plenty Of Fish (don’t judge me too harshly please!)


These days I think it’s so common to hear lies and drivel, that it’s difficult to fathom out truth from fiction. So in the 2 days of my phone going incognito my mind ran riot (my brain loves to do this frequently) but once my phone had been fixed I was expecting to receive a text backing up my hope that the date had made an effort to contact me as I had. No texts, no voice mail, nothing, but in thinking it over would it have made a difference? Is that me just being sensitively needy? Supposedly my guy had tried calling me but when you’ve got a new phone and it’s last iCloud backup was from the week before, it seems legit that his phone calls wouldn’t appear on my phone so this was something I had to write off.

Sadly that week didn’t work out but we started a fresh and decided we would meet the coming week. I got myself ready and spoke to my date earlier, after the briefest of replies I continued to get ready but 4 hours or so later I hadn’t heard anything, so there I go again, not wanting to seem desperate or needy for information but I appreciate some organisation. I text one last time, you know in a bouncy ‘I’m not angry but I could be soon if y’all don’t answer me’ way.


Delivered but not Read! So I get mad, so mad that if I had gone out I would have put other people off. Checking my sent message in the morning and seeing that it hadn’t been read still infuriated me further but I went about my Saturday afternoon plans and then got a reply some 20 hours later. The guy had actually fallen asleep on some weird 10 hour plus sleepathon which sounds more clowning than my weird phone excuse.

This weekend will be the third time in which we’re attempted to meet and I need to publicly address this and say that if sh*t hits the fan once again it must be a sign right? Are the planets aligning to tell me I shouldn’t bother with this or have these failed attempts been the most annoying coincidences or bouts of bad luck?


Would you give it another shot? Do you believe in signs? It’s been an unfortunate beginning to something that’s not even begun and because of the false starts I don’t feel like my hearts in it now, it’s more like I’m going through the formalities and at the back of my head I don’t see it going anywhere and that’s probably due to my own insecurities but like I’ve said to people, I owe it to myself to say that I made the effort.

As a friend of mine posted this week “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” I really don’t go out intentionally looking to be scorned, for me people need to prioritise certain aspects of their life. I always wanted to be that sucker in love but now I feel I’m becoming that person that believes love only happens in fairy tales and even those fair maidens have their fair share of hardships. So who out there thinks I’m crazy to give this a go third time lucky??



Home turf festivals 2016

If you’re reading this then it’s already too late, the wave of first announcements have been delivered and super early bird tickets have transformed into secondary early bird tickets, or worse still are hence known as general tickets (frightening stuff!) Sorry to alarm you but it’s for the good of mankind to grab you mentally by the shoulders, rattle you about before easing you and your comrades back into the race for the summer of your life.


If you’re a festival virgin or you just leave things to the last minute, this definitive festival guide will take you by the hand and open your eyes to some of the freshest and most established music events taking place around the UK and abroad. From day ones to camping ones, to island hopping and warehouse bopping, let us break your festival seal. Hopefully we’ve not scared you into submission but we’re going to break it to you that you’ve already missed out on going to Glastonbury and Coachella (unless you registered back in 2015, then you’ve another chance come April.) Yes, getting tickets for festivals can sometimes feel like a stake out- money in the bank? Check. Alarm set and group whatsapp synced? Check. As many computer/ mobile screens up and ready to attack? Check. But it doesn’t have to be a mission and with pre- registering and monthly payment systems, festival access is becoming less of a stress and more of a victory.


So where do we begin? Well if you’re new to all this then you’ll probably want to stay on home turf because the saying does go ‘don’t run before you can walk.’ Not long after Essex festival We Are Fstvl had ended back in May, tickets for 2016 were on sale. Taking place on Saturday 28th and Sunday 29th of May in Upminster, gathering over 200 artists on 16 stages, and welcoming 50,000 ravers, this festival has some serious notches on its belt. Champions when it comes to hosting a festival, they’ve won Best Medium Sized Festival, Winner of Best New Festival and Best International Festival. No biggie?!


So far we’re looking forward to seeing Fatboy Slim, DJ Fresh, Amine Edge & Dance, DJ SKT, MK, Hannah Wants, Shy FX, Monki, Norman Jay MBE and Eats Everything on the Saturday, covering DJ brands like Half Baked Records, UKF, LoveJuice and Used & Abused.

Sunday brings you Steve Angello, Craig David’s T2, Mistajam, Sven Vath, Richie Hawtin, Sub Focus and Hot Since 82, from Abode, Hospitality, Cocoon and Defected in The House.

If you think Essex is all SHUT UP and OMG, perhaps Brighton festival Wild Life is more your cup of tea, located at Brighton City Airport on 11th/ 12th June and in it’s second year, this festival was curated by two of the music scene’s most respected artists- Rudimental & Disclosure. Even with their own demanding schedule, the six fella’s have somehow found time to put together a mammoth event featuring themselves plus Ice Cube, Annie Mac, De La Soul, DJ EZ,

Stormzy, James Bay, Brit winner Jack Garratt, Kaytranada, Busta Rhymes who we’ve not seen on British soil for a while, plus Skepta, Kurupt Fm and Bastille to name a few. We also loved their partnership with Love Specs, who enabled us to see the festival through LOVE tinted spectacles, with 100% profit of their sunglasses going to LOVE SUPPORT UNITE, a community led sustainable development in Malawi!


You can secure your place with their £39.99 payment plan at

Talking of Rudimental’s movements, you can expect to see them as headliners at one of the August Bank Holidays most popular festivals. Clapham Common is the home of electronic and dance festival SW4, taking place on the 27th and 28th of August and having just announced Dizzee Rascal as another headliner in what is an exclusive summer performance. Over the two days rave on and spectate as The Chemical Brothers, Sasha, Booka Shade, Sven Vath, Paul Kalkbrenner, Friction, Bondax, Netsky, MK, Gorgon City and DJ EZ put on a visual show.


Heading up towards Manchester blurring the beauty of Heatons Park with the brains of the industries finest musicians is Parklife. Now in its seventh year, the team that brought us The Warehouse Project captures acts from dance, indie, pop and hip-hop, playing on the 11th and 12th of June with acts consisting of Jamie XX, Diplo, Kano, Years & Years, Jamie Jones, Jess Glynne, 99 Soul, Eats Everything and Major Lazer. Stage hosts include BBC1xtra, Elrow, Bugged Out and David Rodigan’s Ram Jam.


Some say that festivals have become generic but what we love about festivals is when you go there hoping for a glimpse of your favourite DJ and you end up leaving having uncovered a trove of new acts. Well 2016 has many a new festival for you and if you’re not sure you can handle a weekend of it then Junction 2, brought to you by London music event generator LWE might be the place for you to start. They’ve been throwing parties across London for the past 6 years and are planning to bring you an intimate one dayer featuring Âme, Dixon, Nina Kraviz, Adam Beyer, Alan Fitzgerald and Scuba. The festival will be cocooned amongst concrete and trees with water on all sides in an until recently disclosed location in West London.

Taking inspiration from Charles De Beistegui (an eccentric multi-millionaire art collector) and his famous costume ball, otherwise known as the party of the century back in the 1950’s, is Cornwall’s The Masked Ball festival. Celebrating it’s 10th year of immersive

and theatrical entertainment, overlooking the cliff top of Mount’s Bay, you can expect to meet kaleidoscopic characters and crazy critters. Between the 20th and 22nd of May, expect dining experiences on Feast Friday, fancy dress amidst dance music on Celebration Saturday and some twisted debauchery on Survivor Sunday. Musically masked ballers performing across the the festival are 2 Many DJ’s, The Street’s Mike Skinner, Basement Jaxx, Julio Bashmore, B.Traits, Horse Meat Disco, Ben Pearce, Groove Armada, Norman Jay and Krankbrother.


From Cornwall’s coast, to somewhere over the rainbow, Made in Birmingham will be bringing you some wizardry from The Rainbow’s industrial quarter. With grime man of the moment Stormzy and Rudimental already set to play on the 30th July and a further 80 acts to be announced over the coming months. Made have winked this will be their biggest year to date and will be keeping DnB lovers happy with an arena from Hospitality. VIP tickets start from £55 which is a steal if this is your first festival… some of you just aren’t ready for the portaloo life.


Don’t expect tea and scones with this one, Somerley Tea Party held in the New Forest will be more Elf Kid than Madhatter. Set in the magical surroundings of the Somerley Estate, the festival which is now in it’s third year has introduced camping, with Glamping available for the faint hearted. On the 3rd/ 4th June expect Eats Everything, Annie Mac, High Contrast, Oneman, Joy Orbison and Ben Pearce, brewing underground sounds in a hedonistic paradise from respected DJ’s and producers from across the globe. Tickets available from £30.

Those are just a scattering of the festivals in store this summer but if you’d rather beat two birds with one stone, seeking sun, sand and sound systems, you should check back for part two where we’ll be revealing our foreign festival picks. Keep your eyes peeled for more of the UK’s newest and most popular festivals as we near the summer.

That Awkward Moment When You Realise They’re Just Not Into You

Men are the bane of my life, or should I say the lack of a man is the bane of it? I’ve been single for more years than I’d like to share and that’s not through embarrassment, I just can’t fathom out where my relationships with men have started and finished. If a man asks me how long I’ve been single for I’ll say two and a half years because in the period since then I’ve completed the first dates (there was once a second date) and there’s been a barrage of technophilic chit chat. The sad but uncommon fact about the person I dated if you could even call it that was that I wasn’t his girlfriend, he hadn’t introduced me to his friend’s or family, he definitely never took me out but I saw him on a regular basis, I loved spending time with him and I experienced my first bout of heartbreak when he revealed to me that he’d gotten himself a girlfriend. I remember grabbing my things together and getting the hell out of his place and within a few minutes receiving a phone call asking with no irony whatsoever “Why did you leave like that?” I presumed firstly that his new girlfriend was on her way over oblivious to my presence and so I explained “I’m doing you the biggest favour by leaving, otherwise you’ll have hell to pay!” Silence fell because in that moronic brain of his he realised i) there was nothing left to say ii) I’d made this easy for him. Sometimes I think should I have reacted differently? I could have loitered in waiting for the girlfriend, I could have kicked up a fuss with him but honestly I think apart from feeling sorry for the girlfriend and thinking I should have spoken to her women to women, my reaction clearly shows that I really really wasn’t that into him.

In the plus year that I’d spent getting to know this man but yet still didn’t know enough about this man I had never once poised the conversation about what we were doing? In hindsight, quite soon after this episode I knew this wasn’t someone that I would have wanted to introduce to my parents and having just visualised his face, with his pixie nose that I once deemed cute, his piercing blue eyes that back then were eyes only for me, I feel a surge of abashment. You see I am a woman blinded by lust but perhaps I’m just as startled that anyone would have me.

Watching That Awkward Moment was so bleeding obvious but then again chick flicks always are. I knew Zac Efron ‘the player’ would change his ways and fall in love, I knew Miles Teller ‘the clown’ would end up with his female best friend and I was half right that Michael B Jordan ‘the sentimental soul’ would get back with his ex. Films like this can be so transparent but then it appears to me that dating in the real world is just like that. Maybe not in the heat of the moment but when you look back, feeling a wave of shame and you completely get what it was your girlfriend’s were trying to tell you.


One of the few chick flicks that I enjoyed was He’s Just Not Into You, where a young woman just can’t read the signs given out by her dates, having believed a date went incredibly well but with no murmur of a phone call, she get’s all bunny boiler and frequents a bar she knows he goes to. When I’ve finally realised a man isn’t that into me I can’t help but wonder why. Maybe it would help to know for self improvement and growth or maybe it would just depress me, who knows. I know that when the shoe is on the other foot and my date seems really keen that I feel horrendous being the bitch in the situation but don’t we owe our dates that little bit of respect? When I was younger I would simply ignore the admirers communication but at 27 years old I think it’s the decent thing to be truthful, even if I do get told that karma is going to bite me in the ass or you see the awkward Message Read but they don’t reply.

Most recently I contacted someone I had got along with like a house on fire, I left it a few days before messaging because that’s just the code. I told him how I’d be up for meeting again and supposedly he felt the same, I left it a week and messaged just out of curiosity to see how he was. A few days he tagged me on Facebook and I messaged to thank him but since then I’ve heard nada, we saw each other 4 weeks ago and I’d have hoped that if I had made an impression that I would have seen him already so I think we’ll class this as a He’s just not into you situation. I’m so cool with that but what I’m not cool with is how I’ve been entertained, it’s one of my things to tip toe around the subject but ultimately I’ll say “if you’re busy then I understand,” and unless they’re unwittingly unaware of my hint, I would take their reply with a pinch of salt. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced that perfect balance of He Likes Me + She Likes Him, so I’ve had to contend with the pressures of letting my man down gently or feeling like a mug because I’m stuck in limbo not knowing if this person wants to see me.


I’m quite a proud person when it comes to dating and that probably explains my poor success rating. I don’t want to put myself out there and scream from the rooftops “I LIKE YOOOOOOUUUU!” There’s me not wanting to put them in that awkward position that I hate putting people into and there’s me not wanting to get hurt.

And as the film That Awkward Moment ends… SO. Where do I go from here? Well I’ve a date this weekend and I’ll let you know how it goes. So far so good he seems like a good guy, manners, ambition and he’s complimentary. I don’t get that mix often but when I do, I usually run scared. Here I am saying, I need to change my ways and let someone into my life who wants to be in it.