Men are the bane of my life, or should I say the lack of a man is the bane of it? I’ve been single for more years than I’d like to share and that’s not through embarrassment, I just can’t fathom out where my relationships with men have started and finished. If a man asks me how long I’ve been single for I’ll say two and a half years because in the period since then I’ve completed the first dates (there was once a second date) and there’s been a barrage of technophilic chit chat. The sad but uncommon fact about the person I dated if you could even call it that was that I wasn’t his girlfriend, he hadn’t introduced me to his friend’s or family, he definitely never took me out but I saw him on a regular basis, I loved spending time with him and I experienced my first bout of heartbreak when he revealed to me that he’d gotten himself a girlfriend. I remember grabbing my things together and getting the hell out of his place and within a few minutes receiving a phone call asking with no irony whatsoever “Why did you leave like that?” I presumed firstly that his new girlfriend was on her way over oblivious to my presence and so I explained “I’m doing you the biggest favour by leaving, otherwise you’ll have hell to pay!” Silence fell because in that moronic brain of his he realised i) there was nothing left to say ii) I’d made this easy for him. Sometimes I think should I have reacted differently? I could have loitered in waiting for the girlfriend, I could have kicked up a fuss with him but honestly I think apart from feeling sorry for the girlfriend and thinking I should have spoken to her women to women, my reaction clearly shows that I really really wasn’t that into him.
In the plus year that I’d spent getting to know this man but yet still didn’t know enough about this man I had never once poised the conversation about what we were doing? In hindsight, quite soon after this episode I knew this wasn’t someone that I would have wanted to introduce to my parents and having just visualised his face, with his pixie nose that I once deemed cute, his piercing blue eyes that back then were eyes only for me, I feel a surge of abashment. You see I am a woman blinded by lust but perhaps I’m just as startled that anyone would have me.
Watching That Awkward Moment was so bleeding obvious but then again chick flicks always are. I knew Zac Efron ‘the player’ would change his ways and fall in love, I knew Miles Teller ‘the clown’ would end up with his female best friend and I was half right that Michael B Jordan ‘the sentimental soul’ would get back with his ex. Films like this can be so transparent but then it appears to me that dating in the real world is just like that. Maybe not in the heat of the moment but when you look back, feeling a wave of shame and you completely get what it was your girlfriend’s were trying to tell you.
One of the few chick flicks that I enjoyed was He’s Just Not Into You, where a young woman just can’t read the signs given out by her dates, having believed a date went incredibly well but with no murmur of a phone call, she get’s all bunny boiler and frequents a bar she knows he goes to. When I’ve finally realised a man isn’t that into me I can’t help but wonder why. Maybe it would help to know for self improvement and growth or maybe it would just depress me, who knows. I know that when the shoe is on the other foot and my date seems really keen that I feel horrendous being the bitch in the situation but don’t we owe our dates that little bit of respect? When I was younger I would simply ignore the admirers communication but at 27 years old I think it’s the decent thing to be truthful, even if I do get told that karma is going to bite me in the ass or you see the awkward Message Read but they don’t reply.
Most recently I contacted someone I had got along with like a house on fire, I left it a few days before messaging because that’s just the code. I told him how I’d be up for meeting again and supposedly he felt the same, I left it a week and messaged just out of curiosity to see how he was. A few days he tagged me on Facebook and I messaged to thank him but since then I’ve heard nada, we saw each other 4 weeks ago and I’d have hoped that if I had made an impression that I would have seen him already so I think we’ll class this as a He’s just not into you situation. I’m so cool with that but what I’m not cool with is how I’ve been entertained, it’s one of my things to tip toe around the subject but ultimately I’ll say “if you’re busy then I understand,” and unless they’re unwittingly unaware of my hint, I would take their reply with a pinch of salt. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced that perfect balance of He Likes Me + She Likes Him, so I’ve had to contend with the pressures of letting my man down gently or feeling like a mug because I’m stuck in limbo not knowing if this person wants to see me.
I’m quite a proud person when it comes to dating and that probably explains my poor success rating. I don’t want to put myself out there and scream from the rooftops “I LIKE YOOOOOOUUUU!” There’s me not wanting to put them in that awkward position that I hate putting people into and there’s me not wanting to get hurt.
And as the film That Awkward Moment ends… SO. Where do I go from here? Well I’ve a date this weekend and I’ll let you know how it goes. So far so good he seems like a good guy, manners, ambition and he’s complimentary. I don’t get that mix often but when I do, I usually run scared. Here I am saying, I need to change my ways and let someone into my life who wants to be in it.